i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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