Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
