im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
