It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
