he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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