I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
