when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
