hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can't turn off my feet"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize