She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
did i just pee glitter
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
