So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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