Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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