as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
