U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
