he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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