maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize