I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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