could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
