looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
