My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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