Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
