I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
