May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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