I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
