I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
