I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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