just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
