I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
