She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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