He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
