Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
