All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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