just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
