Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
