3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
