I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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