She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
