Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
