what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
