i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
