that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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