What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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