i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
