sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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