This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
