Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
