no, he came in my armpit
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
