You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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