I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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