I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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