If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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