thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
