just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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