Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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