So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
