if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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