Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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