Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
