i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
