She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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