I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
