they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
