I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
