I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
