She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
