ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
