Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
