ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
