My nipple is on Facebook.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
