All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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