I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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