He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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