i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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