The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
