I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
