Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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