u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i was born a porn star she said
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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