remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
